Today is supposed to be a happy day... but y are my tears falling right now... I feel so depressed... I really duno what am i thinking...... Today is perfect... perfect i-guides 2nd workshop, with fantastic frenz............... But.. All my mood is spoilt....

I HATE ppl to spoil my good mood....... My father spoil it all.. Hate him when he say hurtful words, no consideration for my feelings at all... My mum? Side with him all the time..... Ok, everything is my fault......... but wat i did? NOTHING! Sick and tired

I feel so guilty towards dear as well.... I duno how to treat him gd. He treat me really good... I sux.... I always throw my temper ard like nobody's business, but he tolerated me and push all the blame himself, saying tt he's a failure than who did not know what am i thinking...... I hate myself... But i can't help it.

Haiz... Both ydae's and today's good mood are gone~ One spolit by dear, the other spoilt by my parents.....Sux!

" I love you juz the way you are....." Why muz u say this....................... i feel so terrible....

Damn pissed off now!~ WTF... Its juz a game lor.... kaoz.. need to be so serious mehz....... WTF......... Dun tink u are bigger than me u can throw ur weight ard...... i wun be like last time anymore, give in to u all the time............................ Dun wana play survival liao lahz........ With u ard..... dun feel like playing........................!

It seems that people around me are either depressed or weary... For me, i felt aimless...~ Haha.. why does everyone feels the same? why is everyone so despondent? Weird huh.. haha.

Actually i'm quite satisfied with life for the time being.. Everything went smoothly.. But somehow, i juz feel that sth is missing... Perhaps i'm not doing what i want... i have no directions of my own. I dun even know wat course i'm aiming for.. Have i made the wrong choice?? Too late for regrets anyway..

As compared to last sem, i find myself more organised in school work and studies.. Though i'm currently hooked onto a game, Survival Project, i still managed to have occasion revision.. However, the result still doesn't show.... i'm prepared to score badly for A&P test as well as Biochem. I hate myself... Oh, btw, maths test on the way too......... Feeling so stressed up. Stressed up for nth at all... stressed up for sth i did not want to do.. Haiz....

Well well... I can choose to be happy or sad, so i dun tink i wana continue blaming myself... Like i said, too late for regrets.. Treasure what i have now.. To all my friends out there, u chose the path u wana take, even if u regret it, try to be optimistic and carry on with life..

wat's going on with my blog again... getting quite sick of it.. I can't view the shoutbox as well as my links..~ ahhhh....

Anywae been feeling better already.. Hmmz.. Somehow i feel that my life's really getting good.. Perhaps i'm thinking too much. Sianz.. Today's A&P test i'm prepared to flunk. Really sick and tired.. Studied the whole day ydae on the 3 systems, but wat did the questions came out???? All from topic 2, watever epithelial tissues and crapz... Kaoz, i didn really focus on tt cos i tot the 3 systems are very big chapters..... sux.. Really unlucky, but wat can i do? None came out from chapter 3, waste my time -_-... If i've known it earlier, i'll play Survival Project the whole day! duh~

Haiz... still got to study for Biochem test tml... Hmmz, anywae i feel that biochem is somehow better than A&P, at least i need not memorise deadly and nth came out in the end... Pray pray.. i dun wana flunk biochem as well..... Shitty mood getting on me already, when does it end?

Somehow, if i'm not wrong... Someone special is supporting behind all this while... Hopefully. Although we did not tok much these days, but.. u seemed to be there for me always.. If only....... If only we can be like before..... I'll never forget u..

I hate myself ... i simply sux...

I SUX.............

Fat ass.. ugly face... stupid mentality.... idiotic character...........
I juz couldn help it... but i hate myself to the core.... oh yvonne, u sux!

Where the hell did i go to?? Why am i feeling such emptiness in me... The helplessness, the self-consciousness, and the stupid ass mood swings i'm having.. Why do i feel this way? Where's the spirit is used to have? I hate myself..........

Ain't having fun yesterday when all my relatives came to my house.. It is quite fun actually, however, i juz couldn't bring myself to enjoy... I juz feel that everything is not up to my expectation, it is not as fun as a thought it wld be.. And that's it! Anticlimax all the way...... Sucky huh. Stupid mentality...

Got shoot at juz at the start of the invitation.. I was eating and my back facing the door. My aunt arrived and said " Yvonne! How can u sit there and not open the door for us?! " -_-! For goodness sake, i didn't see them! By the time they pressed the doorbell, my brother was already on the way to unlock the door.. They juz cldn't see him cos of the concept of my house.. Okie, this is nth.. Another family came, and at the same senario, the same aunt shot me " Yvonne!! How can u juz sit there and eat?! U shld at least go and greet them! Oh.. u are so terrible!! " WTF... "terrible" is the word that dampened my mood the whole day!... Why can't she see that my back is facing the door?!!!!!! Really feel like slapping her..... Duno why, my mood isn't good these days, feel rather uptight easily.. Sux!

However, as the time goes and more ppl came, things lightened up a bit.. Hmmz, the usual gambling and stuff.. Sad to say, Bernice and I both thought that CNY became more boring as the years go by... Isit because that we've grown up and we are subconsciously blaming ourselves that we do not have the spirit to have fun again? Or is it that CNY is in fact getting more lifeless? Dun really know the ans, also dun really wana go and think abt it.. Its rather useless huh.. It is juz our own mentality.

Will be going over the dear's house aftwards, cos his classmates will be going over for steamboat.. Hmmz, feel rather stressed up, duno how is it going to be.. Chatted with his sis last nite, haha.. very cute..~ His brother also quite nice, and his mum.... i really dun know, feeling scared.. =p Still considering whether i wana go over not.. hmmmmmm....

Great.. my blog's back to normal again! haha.. Today's first day of CNY, as usual, went ard visiting... Hmmz, duno why, seems that everyone lost that CNY mood as they grow up~ Me as well.... Anticlimax all the way..~ Except for the gambling bahz.. =p Heez. Saw distant relatives as well, and the one whom i'll like every yr when i see him, dun seems to be tt attractive anymore.. =pPp His name is Junwen as well.. Hahaz...~ I've broke my tradition of 7yrs.. =pPp

Hmmz..~ Tml they are coming to my house, hoping my mood will be better~ Darn.. tt "illness" came back, i have to fight for oxygen once again.. i feel so sucky~ Plz take away all my sufferings.. Haiz..

And i miss dear so much.............

Wat the hell is going on with my blog?! or is it blogger's fault again?!~ urgh~ this is driving me crazy!!!

Haha~ Anywae today's my 2nd month with dear!!!!! =)=)=) Hehe... went out a little, went to town, went to sch... blah blah blah.. =p shall not elaborate too much..! hehe.. Yeahz, went to pick saga seeds as well.. Hehez.. Know is abit outdated huh, but i still like it.. (",) Very very happy... =)

Went over to my paternal relative's house for reunion dinner~ =) Ermz... not as bad as i thought, cos i'm not very close with them.. The gambling's nice of cos! haha.. losing and winning streaks coming and going, but in the end i still lost abt $6? =p alrite, not too bad huh.. hehe.. My bro and mum won lots lots!!! wow..

My eyes are swollen now, dun wana type too much.. Duno why, it became like that aft i took out my contacts.. Something's wrong huh. Argh.. too tired to bother.. =p

I always loved Tuesday! Hahaz~ Because i only have 2 tutorials for the whole day! =p However, the biochem tut didn fail to freak me out as usual.. Argh.. Anywae, I slacked the rest of the day.. Heez, went to crash Management Accounting lecture~ =p gonna fall asleep, silently promised myself that i'll never choose that CDS.. =p Haha.. But, its still better than Marketing.. =pPp

Meet dear at 5pm and we made our way to Junction 8..~ Hehe! happy! =p Shop a little while before meeting Fiona and Xueping at 630pm..~ Oh, btw, keep banging into Huimin~ haha.. Yeahz, saw her wif Charlene at TP bus stop the first time, that Charlene is dear's sec sch fren.. hmmz, they used to be good frenz..~~ okok.. =p

Fiona, xp and me went to Sakae Sushi~! We went to the basement one instead of the 2nd floor.. I'm quite bloated although i didn eat much, abt 5 plates? Didn know why, perhaps i'm short of cash and i subconsciously controlling myself.. Seriously, the Kenny Rogers i had ydae really filled my stomach til today~ God.. hehe.. Aft that we went to shop a while before we went home~ Hmmz, so long didn see them, happy to see them~ =) Xp becomes so ... erm.... energetic? childish? =pPp haha.. But she has another side of her of cos... Fiona seems to have lower confidence level than before.. Oh, dun be so negative~ u dun used to be like tt.. =p

Hee.. Dear came down to fetch me at the bus stop upon returning home~ =) so happy! =p Thanks to XP lahz.. shh... =p Juz feel.... happy.. =)

Today's a day filled with LOVE! =)

Hehez.. feel love from friends and family!!!!! =) Went out with usual clique aft our lab session..! Ohh.. before that, biochem lab really turns me off.. Esther Tan's briefing took up 1hr for goodness sake~! Hmmz.. but i find her method of teaching quite effective, cos she's very precise, though long-winded.. oh, watever.. Heez. Anywae, we had planned to catch Scary Movie 3, however we couldn find a the cinema that shows.. nvm. Went to Kenny Rogers to have our lunch! or rather... high tea? Dinner? Haha.. we ate from late aftnoon to ard 6+.. Damn bloated, even now.. Played some lame zhong ji mi ma as well.. haha! =p

Shop ard Suntec aft tt.. Initially wanted to trim my eye brows, but almost all needed appointments, and it was rather late at that time.. A little disappointed.. Hopefully i can trim them before CNY.. ~ Shall see..~ We started making our way home at 8pm, meet dear at City Hall station control..~ Sad that i couldn't went home with him, cos my father called and ask me to alight at Bishan so as to send me home~ hmmz.. dear has to go home alone.. sobz..~

Heez.. Feel very happy cos my mum wanted to bring an umbrella down to fetch me at my bus stop.. =) Its was raining quite heavily tt time.. My dad told me that he heard the radio annouced that a few areas has flooded, trees fall, and some traffic lights were faulty.. So he take a trip back from his office to come drive me home.. =) Ohh.. i love them all~! =)=) Really.. Now my dad has to rush back to his office aft sending me home...... Oh.. mum and dad... really love them to bits!! =)

Today's a fun-filled day! =)

Hehez.. Signed up for i-guides, and today's our first workshop! I-guides is actually a short form of Information Guide, and i joined this so as to earn SEAL points as well as to make more frenz! =) SEAL points is something like a CCA point in sec sch.. Hmmz.. I didn regret going for the first workshop! I'm quite reluctant in the beginning, when i knew that the first workshop started at 8.30am and ended at ard 6pm! gosh... i'll neglect my beauty slp and all... Hehez... Well... Anywae i attended, and i'll really regret if i didn attend! =)

Today's programme's sth like normal orientation, where we are put into groups and started mixing with others... oh... lucky me! I was in the same grp as Janice! haha.. Many ppl keep commenting that we look so alike! Let alone being in the same course and in the same class.. Haha! And our names got mixed up as well..! heEz... Yeahz, played games from the aftnoon til eveing, and i'm totally worned out! Had been running alot for hours, and i reckoned that tonnes of calories will be burnt away! Haha.. juz being exaggerating.. Well, i LOVED the TP mass dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehez!~ My grp members are nice as well, friendly yet enthusiastic, not a single one are too shy or too noisy... Heez..~ Grp 12, Bruce, rocks..! =p

Well well.... For the fact that too many ppl signed up for i-guides, almost half the number of us has to be eliminated.. Sadly.. I'm quite bothered by it, cos i really hope i can stay.. But oh well, i dun tink i've much leadership in me anywae, sometimes i find myself too reserved, which i dun like it as well... But this is me. Hopefully i can get out of my shell one day, and this is the beginning.. =) Cos i found myself actually enjoying the orientation, which i used to dread in the past.. Haha.. Hmmz, well i dun wana tink too much abt the elimination, anywae i've enjoyed myself and made new frenz! It all matters isn't it..? =) *smilez*

TODAY'S DEAR'S 18TH BIRTHDAY! =)

hEhez... went out with him aft sch and piano today!!! Well.. shall not elaborate too much.. =pPp Anywae we went Bugis and he treated me at Swensen! =) I had my fav baked fish rice and he got himself Fish&Chips..! Heez.. Aft that we shared an ice-cream, named "Firehouse Happy Birthday".. Haha.. creative huh? There's a birthday candle lit at the centre of the 3 scoops of ice-cream, so nice~ =) Other than all those, i feel happiest because of the feelings...... =)=)=)

We went ard for the whole day, and i'm feeling kinda tired at some point of time~ Duno why.. perhaps juz fatigue..~ Heez~ Well well... the rest i'll not mention here~ =pPp hEhe.. Juz had a great great day!!!!! (",)

Tml i'll be going for the i-guides thingy in sch... have to reach sch at 830 in the morning.. haiz..~ Ain't going to get enough slp again~... Hmm.. having sore throat now, feeling rather terrible.. Hope i didn get sick tml .... Pray* =)

Had lectures for the whole day without tutorials, haha~ i like it~! =p hmmz.. school ended at 3pm today, so i came home straight aft school~ zZz... Forgot to bring my keys, so i was locked out..! Well well.. anywae here i am in front of my com.. *smilez*

Hmmz.. been feeling rather low these few days, bascially for no reason at all.. pms? haha! jk lahz.. I'm seen as happy in sch, but deep down sth was bothering me, i duno wat exactly it is.. I know it is not because of relationship, but rather... frenz.. I considered myself fortunate for the fact that i have a few good frenz in poly, and quite a number from sec sch.. However, as life seems as complete as it is, it isn't.. I'm bothered by frens who left me alone, i'm bothered by frens i used to hang out with and not anymore, i'm bothered by close frens that abandon me aft they have found new frens.... People whom crossed my life once, be it a long term or a short one, they ultimately left behind their footprints. Why can't things return to how perfect it was used to be? Why can't things remain the same as before? Why muz u leave me alone when i dun even know what happen? Why... ? Isn't it abit unfair to me? U may thought than u seem insignificant in my life, but i really treasure this friendship......... Forget it, things wun go back to the way is it anymore... Perhaps, once i gained some things, i lose some things as well.... And....i lost you....

Well well.... life still goes on for the both of us.. *smilez*

Blogger seems to be improving these days.. Last few weeks were hellish, well, not going to elaborate further.. Glad it is back to normal.. =)

One week of sch juz passed, and i find myself slowly adjusting to it.. hMmz, its a gd sign! =) haha.. Hmmz, i duno whether it is becos that sch juz started, but i seem to have more commitment to sch work..~ haha.. probably i'll get sick of it in a few days' time, who knows.. =p However, i am really in the mood to study anytime, esp Biochem. Perhaps i subconsciously reminding myself that it is a killer subject, i shldn slack on it.. Most probably is the reason. A&P is getting boring, i mean i can't survive without the text bk.. The notes given are all words and descriptions, i need pictures to support them.. Hopefully i can get the text by Wed, and thanks Shee Wee for helping me to get it! =)

Had A&P (anatomy&physiology) lab and CSAS2 (comm skills for Applied Sci) tutorial today.. A&P lab was ok, and quite glad that it lasted for 2hrs only.. haha.. But was abit disappointed that even A&P lab has to use microscope... God, we've been using that for all bio-related lab already, can't we have a change? Luckily there was a slight difference in this A&P session, we get to play with a model of a Human Torso, quite interesting as we can dismantal the different organs and stuff to have a closer look.. Hehez.. =) CSAS was... boring.. Comm skills never appeals to me, probably i really dun know how to communicate with others.. haha.. ~

Dear waited for me aft CSAS today.. Well, becos we are dismissed early, i have to wait abt 30mins for my father to arrive.. he accompanied me throughout! =D haha.. so sad that i cldn give him a lift.. hmmz.. nex time mayb. Chat with his sis at MSN juz now, haha, nice gal... =)

Hmmz.. nothing much to post these days.. Basically nth much happened in sch, everything went well though.. =) Hahaz, alrite, i tink i shld treasure these moments, not everyday can be the same~ Hmmz... Something quite major did happened, between me and him.. But since everything has resolved, dun tink i wana rake it up anymore.. =)

Hmmz.. ain't getting enough slp these 2days, probably not used to 9am lectures.. =( Hopefully things can be better in a few weeks time..~ I've also promised myself to be more focussed this semester, never absent myself for lectures and have frequent self revision at home. So far so good though, haha, studied Biochemistry juz now.. =p Probably it is a new subject, so it seems somehow interesting... good start?? Haha.. However i dun tink my discipline will last... =p.. A&P (Anatomy and Physiology) was boring, perhaps most of the content in this first topic has been covered in Cell Biology last sem.. Yawnz.. Couldn concentrate during the leture, keep drifting off... i ought to have more self-discipline~ My CDS didn turn out to be good as well, Intro to Marketing Concepts.. well, its definitely not my cup of tea... Hopefully i can get better ones nex sem...

Your element is Water. You are a deep person and a
good communicator. Incredibably loving and
loyal when your trust is gained and you are
fairly mature.Myterious to the utmost water is
in everything. One can be an Ocean or a river
but nobody truly knows you.


What's your element
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha.. think it is pretty true for me... Cos it says i'm fairly mature! wahaha..=p

Perfect weather! Perfect weather for an outing, perfect weather for a date, perfect weather for a jog, but certainly not a perfect weather for school!!! Haiz.. In about half an hour's time, i'll be making my first step out of this house to school...! Aft 2mths of relaxing holiday, i feel weird about going back. I guessed that most of the ppl felt the same way as i do.. =(.. Its okie, anywae i'll be meeting my clique at 12pm at interchange to have out lunch first, probably at Genki Sushi? Haha.. CSAS starts at 3pm, i think i'll think about it again when the time is approaching! =p

Haiz.. Been feeling sick as well.. My stomach hurts for many days, and have a few bouts of diarrhoea.. But it isn't too serious, so i didn really bother about it. Didn feel good even now... What a perfect health to start my first day of school~~ My gum hurts too.. I think a wisdom tooth starts growing. God, i can't really tok, i can't really eat.... Kill me.. I'm feeling like shit...! It's been like this for months, it only got worse recently... If it persist, how am i going to survive?????? Save me... But right now i'm more concern over my "diarrhoea", i wonder when it is going to strike me, i'm going out soon for goodness sake!!! Plz... stop it... urgh!

Been feeling sad for Dear as well.. i duno why, can't help it... He's been transferred to ab17 and most of his classmates remain in ab11.. He seemed to be so lost to the point that, he didn even wana find out who's in the same class, in the same CSAS grp, in the same CDS as him... He sort of "resigned to his fate" ? Haiz.. i can understand tho, because i'll feel that way if i were him too.. Stupid FAST system, stupid TP.. Haiz...

Jiayong told me that i didn "haiz" for a long time, but i think i'll start "haiz-ing" when sch starts... It really dampens my mood, at least for now.. Cos i'm feeling nausea right now, i'm feeling so damn sick!

Legolas Greenleaf If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Legolas, Elf, a son of the King of Mirkwood. In the movie, I am played by Orlando Bloom. Who would you be? Zovakware Lord of the Rings Test with Perseus Web Survey Software

WaHahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!~ i'm legolas!!!!! ohhh! but i would rather be legolas's princess!!! =pPp *dReAmzzzzz.........~*

Been feeling rather low now, for no particular reason at all.. I ain't know why, perhaps this is juz another period of my mood swings. Probably didn slp well last nite, because i woke up in the wee hours of the morning!!! 8am! hahaz.. Alrite, i know its not too early, but waking up at 8am is enough to kill me, i wonder how am i gonig to survive when the sch opens.. Haiz.. Well, went to Marina Square's Metro with aunt and mum..! Gosh~~ i felt so... ermz, shld i say... "auntie"..?! Today's Closing Down Sales is only opened to members, and my aunt happened to be one of the members, i duno how she got that. Anywae, we had to queue up for the admission, and u know wat, my aunt actually went there early in the morning!!! And she got the FIRST in the queue!!!!!!! Ermz....... Mum and I reached there abt 9.45am (the shop opens at 10am), and the queue was already damned long! Well well.. We jumped queue and joined my aunt.... =pPp Haha! Didn't really bought much, the place is so packed with aunties, and my mum complained of hunger and heat aft an hour... -_-! God..

Went for piano in the aftnoon..~ Hmmz.. before that when i was in amk mrt station, i saw several amksians, well... Kinda missed the sec sch life! Hey, the girls' skirt has changed slightly, there is now one plait in the front instead of two, and the zip is now at the back! Hmm.. Cutting looks abit like AJC? I still prefer the previous one.. Hahaz.. Brought my "Yu Jian" score to piano lesson today, and was quite popular in demand. =p haha.. Hopefully i can master that piece soon, thx to Selina for helping me to get it! =)

Gotton my timetable which is not too bad.. However was quite disappointed that i didn get my desired CDS.. I got into my 5th choice, Intro to Marketing Concepts.. Alrite, its not that bad aft all.. Mum was delighted when she hears it, she said it is beneficial for me to learn marketing, so that i'm not so ignorant abt the financial economics.. -_-! Her deep meaning implies, cos she always says i'm a hopeless spendthrift who didn know how to save up at all... Ohh.. am i? i dun tink so.. =p Anyway, this semester's timetable is alot better than the last, hopefully i have the time for piano lessons and if possible, find myself a job..

Welcoming 2004!~

Hahaz.. practically doing nth the whole day except sleeping! Haha.. I juz woke up not long ago.. Slept til 4+ in the aftnoon.. We had our Npcc squad gathering last nite, before that i went to meet dear in Lavander for bowling.. ermz, i joined him later cos he's playing with some his classmates. Got to know a new friend named Liwei, formerly from ab13, but will transfered to ab14 this semester.. So we'll be in the same class! Hmm.. She's the gf of Weixiong from ab11.. Hahaz, a very friendly gal~ But i was too shy to tok to her, duno why.. Mayb dear and her bf is beside us.. haha.. So i hope to know her better this sem~ =)

Went to Marina Bay to meet the rest of my squadmates at ard 6pm.. Its a miracle! Everyone was on time!! Or shld i say, they reached there earlier than the given time! Hahaz... In the past, they used to be late over half an hour! lolz.. Went to have a steamboat dinner! Well, not too bad, but i dun think the atmosphere is there..~ Because we reached there at 6+ and we finished eating ard 7+!!!!! Boy.. the sky's not even dark when we are done! haha... Aft that we walked all the way from marina bay to the Esplanade.. Walked ard 1hr+?? Cos the shortcuts are blocked due to it under construction... We walked a big round! Well... memories keep flooding back when they talked about bashing through the forest and stuff, reminds me of the camps and hikes we used to have.. sObz..

Reach esplanade 3hrs before 12am... So we found a gd spot at the Merlion, sat down and talked throughout.. The guys played some lame games tho.. -_- Colleen came to meet us ard 11+ aft her work... Hahaz, leenz u have quite a hard time finding us? cos the the network was so busy at that time, we couldn contact each other!!! well well.. The fireworks aft the countdown was simply great!!!! It was so beautiful~~~~!!!!! =) It lasted about 10mins i think... haha~

Went to Daniel house to thon aft the countdown~ Hahaz.. this is the first time i get to taste the feeling of thon-ing.. I hardly slept a wink! We ate maggie mee and played a game called Panda throughout the nite! hahaz.. Nice game.. Bought some alcoholic drinks as well, didn really drink cos my head hurts the whole nite... Drank about less than half bottle in total.. =p Called dear ard 5+ in the morning becos i was feeling terrible.. couldn find a proper place to sleep, and my head really hurts. Haha.. juz wana tok to someone cos the rest of the gals are sound asleep... =p Luckily he was also thon-ing at his fren's place as well..

Came back ard 10am.. and slept all the way til now..~ My head still hurts, but i think its worth it? =p Haha.. We only have a squad gathering occasionally, so i'll treasure the times... Missed those NP days.. =)