I'm so sick of u telling me sorry over and over again. U can say a hundred, a thousand times, but what's the point. Dun even light the fire in the first place, it is always never easy to cease a burning fire. Even if the fire is extinguised, there bound to be black stains left.

It's like slapping the person and saying sorry after that, and promised that u wun do it again. But a few more days, u slapped that person again. That's exactly what u are doing. I'm so sick of this already. Dun even wish to quarrel with you. What u did to me is totally unfair to me. I simply HATE YOU at that moment.

Continue to slap me if u want. But if u insist to slap me again, u might slap me out of ur life.

Oh man.. i'm really feeling like shit. In fact, worse than shit.. Hahaz.. Oh, wendy u are partially right, cos i'm worse than a piece of shit! *bang head*! Haiz...... I did one really stupid mistake on my aimm term test. I actually wrote the stuff for question 1 in different columns. The things in Specific, i wrote it in non-specific, and vice-versa. The 8 mark question is actually a give-away. But guess how much i got for that section? 0/8. How nice huh... Jeremy says i can get 6 out of 8 if i wrote it in the RIGHT COLUMN. haiz... 6marks is alot!!!! The test is uopn 40, 6 marks can make a difference of nearly 20marks, if i were to convert it to 100%. I hate myself.. feel like crying uopn receiving my paper.... Although i passed it, i was still so upset over that downright dumbass mistake~ Jeremy says he'll fight that marks for me with Father, but ... i dun think father will sympathize with such thing... I'm really feeling like shit.

This afternoon i was rumaging through some old letters and diaries i've written.. Hmmz, suddenly everything came running back to me. Noticed i was mostly sad during lower sec days, or mayb i only write only when i'm despressed.. Hahaz. I should be grateful for i've grown out of the problems, because some things do happen now as well. If i'm still as bothered as a few years ago, i would have died. Lol.. How time flies. My days were more simple those days, i can be happy and jumping for a whole day cos of 1 person i'm hana-ing! Lol.. One entry really makes me experience the feeling when i had. I actually had a crush on a guy when i went for a Civil Defence course in sec 2 for npcc. Hahaz.. i only knew him as sgt soh.. lolz! I still described him as a hero as he saved a girl from falling off from the self-made stretchers during the practice of the transportation of casualties.. haha.. that time i was hana-ing for a few days!! I still remember i went leenz house the day after, duno for wat purpose though. Hahaz... i still remember the feeling.. =pPp Hahaz..... those were the days.... =)

That was me in the past! Hahaz.. i can hana many people at one go... =pPp Now i'm zhuan yi! haha... =pPp Oh ya, my bro bought a new printer today!!! He ask me where i want him to put the printer at juz now, but i told him to put in his room! Argh... i want the 3 in 1 printer! Its so cool!~ the printing is damn fast as well..!!! Humph... My stupid room is too cramped!! Sobz.. Now i'm left with this faulty printer, which he was the cause of it too.. =p hahaz.. well well.. gues i should stop blogging. Tml's AIMM quiz 2!!! Sianz.... Really, the chapter on Tumour is so messy! Jeremy said last monday that the paper is not going to be easy.. Haiz. Hopefully everyone can do well bah.. Pray hard! Good luck for those taking aimm!

Listening to Love Paradise by Kelly Chen now. Hmmz.. quite nice bahz. U have to get into the right mood when listening to such sentimental song, it gets very nice.. =) Was doing 2 projects this morning. I'm so glad that both Psych Project and PMic are almost done! However, i was rather down this morning, and shan't not say it here. There are 2 reasons though, which both are very important to me. Relationship and friends.

Sometimes i wonder, what exactly is the kind of life that has been planned ahead of me, which i'm unaware of. I wonder if everything is juz so destined, that u have to walk such a straight and boring path. I want my thinking to change, i duno want to be bothered by unnecessary stuff again. I'm feeling more and more austistic nowadays, duno y. Hahaz.. Instead of blending in and talking to people, i actually felt peace when i'm alone and thinking in a corner. Err.. perhaps it is juz the mood swing, this can get rather serious.

That aside, i experienced something unexplanable these couple of days. Yesterday was CCN day, and dear bought me a heart-shaped balloon sculpture. He placed the balloon behind us, and we leaned against a wall. It was almost impossible to get lost especially when both of us are facing e front and there were not much people. After we finished eating our fried ice-cream, the balloon was gone. *pOoF*! It is not the wind, not the people. Even if it were to fly off, there's only 1 direction that allows it to fly, and we were facing that direction. We'll definitely see it. However, we don't.

Today i went to the toilet alone. I heard a "hey!". It was a small tiny voice. I ignored it of cos, but i heard the door open when i was in the cubicle. The shreaking sound lasted for quite awhile.. Errm.. anywae, the door was rather well-lubricated, there was no such shreaking sound when i open it. This is getting creepy. I dun wana say anymore... Hopefully, all are my imagnations! Hahaz.. Let me check my Psych text whether there are such explanations...~

Haiz.. today is a long long long long day!~ 8am-7pm without break, want to kill me isit. Haiz.. Just recovered from gastrities, and the timetable had to do this to me. Life is... so sucky. Hmmz, however today not really that bad. Haha.. Yeahz, morning was quite sianz. Got back OC quiz.. Zzz... haha.. Although i expected it, but i cannot say i'm happy abt it. Err.. at least i scored slightly above average? Ha... No affinity for OC at all. I'm worried abt the days ahead......

Hehe. Today's dear ai xin bread very nice! hehe... I thought i hated raisin bread, hmm... hahaz.. Okie lahz, this is one of the best meal i had today! =p hahaz... Other than that, i didn't eat at all. Haha.. pitiful isn't it? =pPp 11hrs in between, i only managed to swollow down 2 pieces of bread and a cup of milo. Lol... people says that there's no gain if there's no pain. I experienced pain, but how come gain isn't here? I'm still full fo fats...... =p

Had OC practical quiz today. hahaz.. Everyone was so anxious!! It was a sudden announcement, and suddenly i was so blur and confused about everything.. Phew, luckily everything went quite fine... hahaz... Haiz. If only i can get at least a Bs for all subjects this sem. If i have a aim of getting 3.0 GPA, i cannot get anything less than a B. However, i just can't manage OC... Hmmz, shld i work hard on other subjects to balance up my pathetic OC? Or shld i work doubly hard on OC? Well.. i tried the second one, i failed. I duno if i wana take this risk again........

Hehe... Now slacking in com lab. Will be having my next lecture at 1pm.. Zzz.. 4hrs break in between. Hehe.. So far nth happened yet, but muz be contented that i'm still alive and kicking! Hehe... Most importantly! My appetite is back!!!!! WAHAHAHA! Yeahz..! However, needa go to toilet now. Hmmz, in fact everything that goes in, comes out after a few hrs.. =p

Yoyo! Forgot to blog ydae, for ydae is a special day! Hehez... Happy 9th month to deardear and me~! =p Hehez... Oh ya, we went to watch Twins Effect! Nice nice! Hehez... Hmmz, that's the only action movie i'll enjoy i supposed... hahaz..~ The plot is nth special, but there are serious and funny sides about that show. Hahaz.. Oh, i find that Gillian is prettier than Charlene in that show.. hahaz..~ duno leh, i like her eyes.. =D So envy... Life is unfair!

Hehez... Supposed to go out today, to celebrate my bro's 21st bdae. Hmmz, but in the end he himself is not free, so we cancelled the karaoke trip. Sigh.. So didn really do much today. Went gardening, shopping... Hehez. Had a wonderful dinner though! Yummy~ We waited so long for the dishes, but it was worth it i guess. These few days having gastritis is bad! I dun have any appetite, and i get full very easily. Hahaz.. I can survive on a couple of bread in a day. Hmmz, felt better today... =) At least i'm able to eat 2 decent meals today.... heez... although 1 is in the early morning, and 1 in the late evening... =p

Tml's sch open again. Haiz.. another week to endure the lack of sleep. Hahaz.. Kinda amazing that people actually realise that 1 didn slp well. Went piano ydae, and that Jocelyn looked at me and ask "How many years have u not slept?" Hahaz... I didn realise it myself. Had sleepless nights the couple of nights before cos of gastric. I can wake up in the middle of the night due to pain, and woken up early in the morning due to diarrhoea. Hmmz... hopefully everything is slowly back to normal. I miss my usual appetite.....

Yoz! Had a fruitful day today! Wahahaz... I didn't bought anything for myself though, but i spent almost $60 on presents and food... =x ! Gosh.. My savings for the whole term are gone! In just few hours... :( hahaz.. Tt's how fruitful is it.. Food eaten are being passed out.. Presents bought are being gave away... Lol... Anywae really glad that xp like it alot.. =) Hehez.. Happy Belated 18th Birthday!

Went to TM today to get the t-shirt printed! Before that, i had a super great craving for the pancake selling at TM's food court! However, i felt so full after i ate than bowl of noodles, in the end i bought muah chee.. =p Hahaz.. I was wondering whether i can buy the white kuay only, i wanted to eat that! I dun wan the peanuts! lolz... Hahaz... dear dun wan to buy that for me!!! Sobz! LOL... =p Oh oh.. abt that t-shirt, i finally reduced it to just 1 picture at the back! Previously my design was words with about 6 pictures, however i find that was too messy!~ Hahaz.. didn't regret my choice.. =) I find it more presentable that way... With my favourite big bumble bee behind.. =D

Oh ya, went to Queenway all the way from tampines to meet xp and fiona! Hehe.. thanks dear dear who accompany me throughout the journey.. =D Sigh.. Xp and I were looking for swim suits, therefore we went all the way there! But u know what.. Not a single swim suit can be found!!!! Qi si wo le!!! hahaz.. nvm lah~~ Went over the the nex shopping center to have out yummy dinner!!~ The spagetti with pan fried fish was awesome! =) Hehe.. We also shared a plate of Indian Rojak.. Hehe.. Paisay lah, i was quite full at that time, i couldn't eat much.. =p Hmmz, fiona had to rush home aft that, so me and xp took 153 all the way back to hougang... Zzz... We sit til our backside cramp~~ In the end we still couldn't manage to get that swimsuit... Hmmz, perhaps going out on next Sat again to Taka(xp-recommended). =p

Hehez.. really happy today! I'm cherishing the times when i can be "healthy", becos i didn't know when that attack will be coming back.. =) Therefore i love to go out nowadays... The lasfew weeks was torturing, almost dying. The feeling is undescribable, unless u experienced it urself i guessed... I want to be happy everyday.. I want to find meaning in every single day.. =)

Today's friday the 13th!~ Haha... I didn't realise it until i was scanning through the calender to find which day my piano exams falls. Luckily i didn't walk past that usual route which i'll always see the black cat. Haha.. =p Well well.. It is just superstitious, guess one wouldn't know the truth behind it.

Today's piano as usual.. "If u are going to play like this for ur exam, u'll fail for sure!" Lol.. I'm immuned!~ =p haha.. Its not i didn't want to play, my house's piano really cmi, the keys are too stiff!!!!!~ Sobz... Therefore i never master my scales... "Grade 7 is not that easy to pass u know?! U still think u are in grade 5?! Ur scales are too slow, not up to standard!" Lolz.. I think i'm dream about these even when i'm sleeping.. =p Okok.. time to buck up. I shall not waste the few hundred dollars.. Hmmz. Buck up!

Went to dentist after piano, cos my wisdom tooth is killing me!! Argh.. However the X-ray film shows that my teeth are straight, it is not necessary to extract if i am able to withstand tha pain.. Well well, I've bear with it for 1 yr already, i shall not waste money.. =p hahaz.. Hmmz, however $135 flew~~ for some painkillers, X-ray and injection. Gosh.. the anesthetic doesn't fade away until 2hrs later.. I thought I'm not going to open my mouth ever again.. =x

Hmmz~ Here i am now!! Feeling rather happy, duno y.. Haha! Dear think so too...=p Hehe.. Mood swing has it's down period, it should also has it ups as well. To be fair rite? Our human body likes to maintain homeostasis, tt's the way! Hehe... kkz, gotta run now. Craving for yogurt! I can't really eat solid food cos my teeth's aching like mad! Yogurt.. yummy! here i come!! =)

yoz~ finally term test's over.. heez~ But not much feeling though.. Hmmz, dun tink i'll do well in the Term test.. Haiz~~ Today's HPI is sort of easy, 3/4 from basic immuno.. But u noe wat? i didn study much on that.. only study basic immuno this morning.. Haha.. Like wat wee says, marks like tt fly away very xin tong! Heez...

Congrats on dear, andrew and wendy for getting top 10% of the cohort! Heez.. You guys rocks man~~ =) Continue to work hard.. everyone! heez... Went to have Genki celebration after that.. =p Wahaa... before that we are fighting over Genki Sushi or Kenny Rogers.. In the end everyone went genki, and as we sit there and eat, we are all thinking of Kenny Rogers! Haha.. Lame.. Only 2 words to describe ourselves, guess u peeps know huh.. =)

Sigh.. my mum's health seems not too gd nowadays.. keep getting infections one after another, and pain all over.. Haiz.. Today went TTSH for X ray, there's the wat stone in her bladder. Will be going for laser surgery on next wednesday. Hmmz.. hope everything went smoothly bah.. Will be a minor op though.. Her feet is another problem.. haiz..

Btw to that Gavin who tagged. If u have nth better to do, go fuck urself. Stop bitching here and there.. i know i sound very crude, but right now i'm not feeling gd. I dun care who the hell u are, juz fuck off from here. Lame. Scold more stupid things and u'll go to hell when u die.

I feel like drifting away.... i'm feeling so weak and dizzy. Gosh.. i'm still typing away here.. Haiz.. How will normal, healthy people understand my plight. I feel so out of breath suddenly this evening.. It just don't go away. I wonder is it asthma.. Well.. I have a history of that, but i do not feel any phlegm in my throat. I just feel that i have to try so hard to get squeeze some oxygen into my lungs.. It became and active process rather that a passive one. I wonder it could be sinus, as my nose is useless.. Well, normal healthy people wouldn't understand the torture.. Why must this happen to me? I ate the strong tablet for asthma just now.. It is forever that strong. I feel so weak.. I have no more energy for revision.. I wonder if I would juz flunk AIMM and FPath.. I want to get well more than anything.

Hopefully... All these can go away. It made me think, this is much more important than the crappy Pmic test i had today. I cried over it, thinking that i might flunk it. Come to think of that now, i would rather cry over condition. That piece of worthless test is nothing.. So how would healthy people understand?

No one knows how to appreciate happiness unless he experienced sorrow..