The more i try to be optimistic everyday, the greater disappointment i faced.

Its the same scenario as my GPA. the more i wanted to climb, the harder i fall. At least i took a step back this sem, and surely, it falls, but not to a great extent.

Why am i so reserved around new ppl. Why can't i open myself up like others who did it so easily. They said i'm anti-social. Yes i am. Do i have a control over it? Don't everyone hopes to be perfect, hopes to be happy everyday? I see quite a no. of cancer patients nowadays, one i saw was very young, around my age or maybe younger, and is very pretty despite being almost bald. I dun tink this is the route she chose it for herself as well.

Is this the chosen path for me? Am i going to be like in the near future?

Have a little more faith in me. I seek no comfort from work and from sch side. Lend a helping hand, i'm juz requesting for a small favor.

I dun mind going haemo lab to see that darn, arrogant stupid face of the pharmacist-in-charge there. I dun mind waiting for her like an idiot to let her take her own sweet time to entertain me, and without looking at me after i said a "thank you".

I dun mind going wards alone to look at the doubtful faces of the nurses. I dun mind getting shoot by telling me that the nurse-in-charge is not there, and the only staff nurse told me she's off-duty and ask me not to give the stuff to her.

I dun mind helping ppl to run errands to go to Retail pharmacy to get stuff. I dun mind taking the lift again and again and walking long distances.

Just dun keep me all day in tt pharmacy like today. I'll go nuts. Go depressed. Go psychotic. I need some confidence. Please dun leave me alone. Please have more trust in me. Please dun doubt my capabilities. I'm already feeling so inferior, please dun make it worse.

So sick of such life. Every morning so early go work, with lack of slp... came back in the evening. So tired.. feel like slping. but still so many assignments, log book etc need to complete. Its normal for ppl to feel so tired after work, yet have to entertain these stuff. To hell with the pilot trial, we are guinea pigs to do tt stupid trial, and there was no consent from us. What the hell.

Dun feel like lagging behind, yet i'm too tired to do anything after i got home. Guess everyone's the same. Dun even have time for myself, let alone thinking abt other stuff..

Work was shit today. duhz...

Will every tml be a better day? I doubt so with the never ending assignments.

Ppl have chance to do their assignment during work time, why dun i have the privilege? Everything muz be cramped at home. They didn spare me any free time at all. My preceptor is always busy as well. Took out my assignment and my coordinator as me to keep. Zzz. Wat the hell. Work life as student sux.

My com is revived! =) juz when to Sim Lim to have it repaired. Finally... New motherboard, and increased ram from 128 to 512. I didn know how much was that. But all was changed. Phew.. $200 gone~

I was in pretty good mood today until i saw all the e-mails regarding MP and SIP. I was really confused about all these stuff. I wish there were a verbal explanation instead of sending e-mails. Feeling so lost. Can anyone help? haiz...

Feeling to tired. Went to send my cousin off to England to study at 130am this morning. Manage to be back home at 345am. Can't slp becos my slping time is over, and i woke up around 9am today. Haiz.. Feeling so tired but can't slp.

Dreading tml. Its work day again. Sighz....... Anywae glad that my GPA only dropped 0.03 despite my disastrous result. I'm really thankful for that. Its 2.78 now. But who cares?

3rd day at SGH! hahaz.. shall post a short one. Loving SGH environment, go anywhere also got staff discounts! hahaz... kopitiam, 7 11, polar cakes, housemen canteen, anywhere u name it! EXCEPT DELIFRANCE! lolz.. funny. ben asked delifrance whether staff got discount, tt person say "yes"! den suddenly she say "u staff meh?" lolz! i heard liao v funny sia! ji tao turn off lor... Ben's name tag is fake de lahz.. lolz... tink he boycott that delifrance for his whole life le. hahaz.. ppl in kopitian and canteen nice.. lolz.. =)

pharmacy was okie. ppl treating me better and better. Hopefully can click with them soon. Very busy with admission and discharges today! So many at 1 go... until a time duno whether to pack ward med first or discharges first.. argh. Pharmacists bad mood ahz, but lucky din shout at me. hahaz.. not bad lah! got to go Haemo lab with Nana (trainee PT) to collect IOU stuff. The pharmacist there really gou yan kan ren ti. Suan le. see her face surely no guy will marry. So young but act like yellow face women! Put so much makeup oso no use lahz.. Boo! >=p!

Kinda adapted to the attachment life. Got happy got sad.. But starting to miss my friends... I wish i can go back to sch to study. Sch life will owaz be better.. Sighz... Hope to see all my frenz soon, hope we'll all meet up together very soon! and hope wee cheer up soon! Hopefully environment there will improve for u soon.... *hugz*

2nd day at inpatient satelite pharmacy 73! tml is much better! mayb becos i came with an open-mind, telling myself that i can make my day happier if i have a positive attitude. Well, indeed it turn out better. =) I feel that the pharmacists are willing to teach, and an auntie pharm tech is oso quite nice. Feel very glad when they ask me how am i coping, and my supervisor keep telling me to ask questions! pengz~! Got to know 2 pre-reg pharmacists today, 1 is very chatty, 1 is rather quiet like me.. =p Both of them are very helpful... =)

Today is a lucky day! got to have lunch with benjamin, xian qi and deardear. hehes.. I tink i can meet deardear for lunch everyday, cos his side quite lenient, can go lunch everytime. So i call deardear when its my lunch time, and he can come out to eat with me! hehes... Visited yew yee at retail, hahaz, okie lahz.. juz that she say v blur oso.. lolz~ Funny lahz, she went to ask 1 guy why he wan to purchase KY jelly for, make tt guy so paisay.. lolz! Only manage to saw Emily when i knock off at 530pm, when the rest knock off at 6pm. hahaz... good day. Busy yet productive. Oh, got my first paper-cut in my 2nd day, wat's more to come?? Oh... in inpatient pharmacy, can hear many patients who passed away. =x

Logbook for the day:
1) Pack drugs into shelves
2) Pack drugs from returned drugs by patients
2) Dispensing
3) Learn the diff type of eye drops
4) Difference between labels of ward medications and discharge medications

My supervisor says she will let me do counselling if got the chance! OMG! i so scared.. i keep telling her my sch says PT no need counselling. =p den she say "but if there's a chance of cos you wan rite?" HAHA... den i say "of cos.. ya lahz.." pengz.. i trying so hard to push back juz now, hahaz.. but its good opportunity la... =p STRESS ah.. counsel REAL DRUGS to REAL PATIENTS under supervision of REAL PHARMACISTS.. omg! kill me lah..... ha... feel that she treat me better today, but still kana shoot questions. Hopefully tml will be an even better day! Please.... *pray*

First day of attachment at SGH. Orientation was ok, we were only bring around to those dept which we'll attached to. Didn even know where the toilet was.. hahaz. Morning was a good start, HR site was very friendly, yeah, trying to help us adapt to the new environment. Name tags were issued which i tink was quite pro initially. Ha....

3 different pharmacies. Retail, outpatient and inpatient. Benjamin and Xian Qi together at outpatient, Emily and Yew Yee together at Retail.... Yeah, me and dear were splited up into 2 different inpatient pharmacy. In short, i'm alone. Hmmz.. i prefered the environment over at retail and outpatient. Inpatient's atmosphere seemed abit quieter and still, mayb its becos its at the wards, cannot make too much noise. Anywae.... pharmacists treat me better than how the pharmacy tech treat me. Weird rite? My MP supervisor, shoot me MOA of drugs today. Since den, my mood really gone into depressed mode.

Basically packing, labelling, dispensing drugs. The older pharmacists really overload me with too many stuff today. I duno if i can remember all. I guess this blog will be my daily "logbook" in case i forgot wat to write for reflection. Cos really lahz... too much information at one go. Wo hao stress ah......... tml will be a better day. Carelicious won merit award, $500/grp. =)

My learning issues:
1) inpatient operations - discharged patients and inward medications.
2) STAT med for inwards - need not include patient's name (reason tml i find out)
3) Cytotoxic drugs - cannot handle with bare hands
4) Differences between Non-formity, Non-standard and standard drugs. Must MEMORISE which are the drugs that belong to which categories. Over 300 drugs i guess.
5) Verification with presciption and labels before dispensing - mental calculations of quantity of drugs, sign, paste summary label, write ward no., put prescription in, sort according to ward no.
6) 1 week supply of paracetamol -40tabs, 2 week and more - 80 tabs
7) Documentation of stock - Out (any ink), in (red ink)
8) Discharged patients - nicer packs, inward medications lose packs doesn't matter.
9) Tablet counting machine

I shall study Bpharm tonite. I shall be prepared. Tml shall be a better day. Oh.. everyone can report at 930am, only me report at 9am.

Tml is the start of my attachment! Sighz.. duno how it will turn out. 5mths.. such a long, dragging 5 mths.. Hopefully it flies. Trying to stay optimistic, but.... haiz... I really hope these 5 mths will pass successfully~

Tot of some MP ideas, but still hope that the company give us the titles themselves.. =x hahaz.. just hope that things turn out well tml. Lucky for me, its only half day. Having award ceremony for Carelicious so needa go back to sch at 2pm.

Tink all of us will be lacking of slp once SIP starts. Sighz.. i hate the feeling. My eye bag is already very obvious, please dun add more to it.

I know most of us are very nervous, juz hope that everyone will be fine! all the best guys.. =)

So much for a "i treasure u more..." Dun tink that u are the only one who's hurt.

Ydae really too tired, brought forward to today! all becos of the Virtual Classroom thingy fault! so early! hahaz... alrite lah. the thing was quite good i felt. At least we have a place to meet up with everyone.. =) a specific time and place i mean. hees.. =p but i juz need to slp. but going piano soon.. haiz. Chalet later! looking forward! but.... really no money for shopping. and my mum questioned me who am i going with. Haiz.. i feel very very bad now.

Schedule for SGH ppl on monday:
8.15am Students meet Norah at Blk 4 Level 1 recruitment Office.
- students to fill in particulars in Application Form and provideBank Acc No.
- Name Tag will be provided

9.00am Michelle from PGAHI will take over the orientation and briefing of JCI standard - Infection Control, Fire Safety etc
Venue: Houseman Training Room 3

9.30am Students will be meeting HOD, Mr Lim MM at Houseman Training Room 3, Mei Ling will take over orientation

10.00am Students will be going to respective atttachment site

Ehz, din mention anything abt orientation leh. i dun wan. i wan to go orientation in a group..please dun split us up on the 1st day! =(

Gtg pack my things now. Hope everything turns out well. Its only for 1 night leh..

HAO LEI AH!!!! wahz.. so long din went out for sooooo long le~! hahaz... woke up at 8am today! Meet xp to go Jurong Swimming Complex to play the slides and all those things.. hehes. i like Lazy Pool lehz.. =p Yeah, been around 2 years since we last went? hahaz.. not bad lahz. Only tt got abit of phobia of deep water.. hehes. Enjoyed myself thoroughly!! hahaz.. yaya. official date with xp. -_-! Plus a good 2hr tanning under the hot sun!! Super burnt now... Very red sia. Hope it turn black soon.. hehes...

Aft tt went to watch Herbie at Yishun 10. Wahz.. cinema tink less than 10 ppl bahz? hahaz.. Anywae tt show is nice!! Yupz... cute, abit touching. hees.. made me wan to own a car like that! =p thx xp for tt $1 popcorn treat. hehes.. =p

Xp went to teach tuition later while i go all the way to tampines mall to get something from Missha for limin's present. Wahz... Today went from north-east (my house) to west (chinese garden), back to north (yishun) den east (TM) den back to AMK. Ma chiam day tour around Singapore. Bus card from $10+ til now minus value. -_-! hahaz.. Went to meet liping, selina, limin, fiona, and xp for dinner later at AMK pizza hut. Zzz... yeah! I LOST MY WAY AROUND AMK CENTRAL! kaoz.. tt wld be the last thing i tot i would do. haiz. really a little bit diff from last time, its renovated. but at least i still remember the route lah. not so bad. hahaz.. anywae fiona was suggesting that we form our own running club! den muz join marathon together... hahaz... shortest route is 10km!!! -_-! ehz........ got 2.4km one not ah? hahaz... at least 5km still can lah, maybe. 10km........... anyone volunteer to carry me? like wat xp said, when we reach the ending point, the finishing line also gone liao.

hehes.. overall, tiring yet happy and satisfied day! =) Love to meet the girls.. =)

Dun feel like blogging, but still feel like blogging. hahaz.. zzz. Duno y lehz, been feeling very tired since ydae and today. Really those fatigue, not sleepy leh. I getting paranoid again. Haiz.. everywhere i go, i muz look around to see no mosquito ard me. =x Wonder is fatigue a sign of dengue.. hahaz. slap me bah. Really v tired. Plus got dull headache now, also duno y.

Went bowling with deardear juz now. Hehes.. yeah. really sux at it lehz.. first round got 35! hahaz! my lowest was 34, and was hoping tt i wun get any lower. Heng ah! =p Second round got 60+, can't remember lehz.. hahaz! Yue lai yue hao wan!! Keep going to the 3rd round!! WAHAHAHA!!! Hey!! i striked twice in a row!!! Pengz.. really tai ko lor!! -_-!! I was hoping to strike the 3rd time so i can treat deardear a turkey! wahahaz.. but din lah. Scored 94 for tt round. wahhaha... so lucky. New high score for me!! =p

Went around White Sands and TM later.. hoping to get a beach shorts. Haiz.. either it is too ex, or my stupid big butt can fit in. Really sad. i hate my big hip. My mum says it will get even bigger after giving birth. Haiz.. depression ah! Deardear's mummy bought me a t-shirt and roxy shorts from thailand when they went over last week. Really very nice! Both the t-shirt and the shorts! His meimei choose de... Sighz... but tt shorts abit too tight. Sort of expected it. Its always like that... haiz... argh.. i really like it very much. How.... haiz......

Enuf of complaints. Anywae really very tired ah. Wat happened?! Am i going to die soon?! hahaz...... lalala. Anywae, enjoyable day today! =p Cos with deardear!! Tml going Jurong swimming complex with xp! hahaz... mini version of wild wild wet, but muz more cheaper! =p

Yupz, i'm very very lucky that i'm posted to SGH for my attachment. That place would be my homeground from the next 5 mths. Damn.. 5 mths! haiz.. wonder whether will i be able to hang on til so long.. =x I'm very happy to know tt i'm in SGH, becos apparently, alot ppl hopes to go there. There are 6 of us. Me, deardear, Emily, Xian Qi, Yew Yee and Benjamin.

Today's briefing was a hell for us. So many assignments, logbooks and projects. Its really demanding! During the announcement for placement, everyone was so anxious!! I was quite shocked that many ppl was attached to industries, i tot there were only 2!!! =x At that time my mind was blank!! I tot i would be oso one of them~! At first didn see my name under Changi General Hospital, was very disappointed! Lucky Janice, was posted to CGH! hahaz.. Sighz.. Its been both been a happy and sad time.

I know some of my frenz who were very upset. Many people would juz say "its ok lahz, since u are posted there, juz make full use of ur time, you'll get to like there... blah..... " But i know the feeling, as much as i dun wan to be attached to polyclinics. Although its only an SIP, its still 5mths! It wun be easy for you to work in a place where you dun like. Yupz, ppl may grew to like tt place, maybe, but the first step is the hardest step to take. I know i'm in no position to say anything, i juz hope you guys can cheer up soon. If we were given a chance to choose, of cos we hope that we can be together in the same place.

Aft the briefing, we went to Swensens with the whole PS batch, plus Mr Ko. Hahaz.. Yupz, abit saddening lahz, considering that this will be the last meal that we will be having with one another. Really glad to know u guys throughout these 3 years.

Chalet is booked! Looking forward! =) Anywae.. i killed an Aedes mosquito juz now!!! U know how many people i have saved?! 1 mosquito average bites 3 ppl a day, and they can live for 14 days! That means i saved 14x3 people, that would be 52 people!! Lucky there were no blood to indicate that someone has been bitten! Its so damn er xin, black and white strips! Go to hell lahz..!! Yupz, it flew into deardear's car lehz.. ha.. that's where i kill it. Or else either me or deardear will be the next in the list.

ehz.. no.. blogskin is not down! Juz that my com... haiz.. virus-infected~! =( i cannot clear and delete tt stubborn virus...! =x How lehz? sighz.. can't change skin le!

Aww.. time of the mth! stomach cramp plus sourish legs, but i'm still going gym tml! *yippie*! hahaz... happy to find a gym partner! Jan we muz jia you ah! Seemed addicted to TP gym! =x Despite the distance, i still wan to go!!

Happy day! went out with deardear whole day! hees! Watched One More Chance, quite nice lahz. Heartwarming and touching.. =) Took neoprints again.. hehes.. =p I'm happy as long as i'm with you~~ =p

Hmmz.. blogskin seems to be down huh! cannot change skin!! sad.. =( hahaz.. nvm lahz. hope it will come alive soon!! =) today is another happy day! tink this is the only time where i feel so carefree..! mayb its becos my SIP is in 2 weeks time! must enjoy to the fullest now!!

Today's gym session with jan is so satisfying!! Well, it may be nth to be proud about to most ppl, but i completed my first non-stop 30mins run! =p equivalent to 4km bahz.. hehes.. yaya *yawnz*.. to me its an achievement. I'm not trying to train for anything, juz wan to jian fei or rather, maintain? hahaz.. juz that i dun feel tired running anymore, seems to be immuned le.. hahaz.. so happy.. =) shall increase the speed a little everytime i go from now, den slowly increase the distance oso.. hehes.. my target is 1 hour!! but duno y.. owaz when i reach 15+mins, my bronchoconstriction seems to come (narrowing of the airways). Its a usual problem for me, where i find it hard to breathe. Because i'm used to this condition, i often continue running even though i feel xin ku.. but it owaz feel better after i rested for abt 10mins. So shouldn't be a prob bah? =p hmmz... from my DPP learnt, one of the causes of asthma is triggered by exercise, and this is the reason..

After tt went to deardear's house!!! hehes... deardear cook ai xin lunch for me!! he decorated the noodle very nice and cute!! argh.. i forgot to bring my phone!!! =( so didn manage to take a photo!! Aww... its in my stomach le! hahaz.. thank you deardear!! =) so happy!! hehes... slacked the whole day, watched Miao Shou Ren Xing 3 VCD, hmmz, who got vol 2?? cos i watched vol 1 only.. duno how the story goes le... hehes.. anywae v happy to be with deardear! aft tt we walked to Hougang Green to have dinner at mac, den walk back again.. nice nice.. =) liked the feeling... Stayed til 9pm before heading home!!

yup yup.. that's my day! =) hope everyday will be as happy and simple as today!

Today is a happy day! Last paper, last exam, last mugging in TP!! =)=) Was happy that the paper went pretty well, and not as hard as wat Dr Vijaya and the lecturers whom scare us! I can say last year's paper was even harder! hehes... however, of cause there are some questions i didn know how to do, roughly abt 10 marks bahz.. hehes.. anywae, ITS OVER!! =)=)

Yupz! So went out with the girls after the paper! It was nice to formally go out and have lunch together, and went to shop and shop carefreely with no worries~~ hehes... We went to Suntec to lunch at Kenny Rogers, long time no eat place.. =p Yummy! but was abit too full! dyspepsia! lolz.. Walk over to Bugis later, had fun trying and buying clothes, and taking photos! hehes.. was abit of madness cos it was hard to think of pose at such short time interval.. hahaz.. anywae tink wee will upload the pics at her blog soon.. =p Had my eyebrow trimmed at Bugis Street, a little disappointed cos it was abit too thin, and so does janice's. well, anywae its still not too bad, and it will grow back rite? =)

Hehes.. looking forward to tml! Will be heading to school's gym and track with jan, after tt go deardear's place for ai xin lunch! Can jian fei first den lunch!! hahaz.. *muackz muackz* hehes... looking forward!! Oh ya, great news that i'll be attached to the same place with deardear for attachment!! So happy.. hehes... =) But i still wan to know where i'm attached to, please dun post me to polyclinic...... =x

Really happy to have u guys around to brighten up my TP days. I love each and single one of you!! Hope we shall remain in contact even after we go SIP and grad! Hugz to all!! =)

I can't seemed to settle down to study, kinda distracted. But duno by wat.. I'm glad i finished all my notes taking, and covered the whole drug list. The compiled notes were quite satifying, quite thin actually.. =p but somehow.. my mind couldn't settle. Can anyone tell me wat's bothering me?

Feeling abit too "reflective" again. Mayb due to the peace cos i'm alone, and xp owaz complain that my house is too quiet! Yeah.. i agree. Let alone being at home alone. Hmmz.. Juz now almost scared myself to death. My stove has abit of prob, the fire is too big, and when i wan to turn if smaller, it will juz burst and go off. Well, den i juz leave it big... Sighz... Soon i heard "click click" sound, and soon i realized that my pot handle melts!! OMG.. the whole house was filled with the melting plastic smell!!! I was so scared.. Tot i'll die of plastic poisoning. The smell really toxic ah!! I opened all the fans and windows, and wrap myself around the curtain in my room and breathe through the window.. Luckily the smell subsided around 5mins... =x my poor bearbear was crying cos i brought him to the kitchen... =(

Sighz... enough time wasted. Everyone, please jia you for our last paper in TP. I wish everyone the best!

Sometimes i really dun understand, why things always turn out at the most unexpected way, trying to make a fool out of us. I'm using my bro's com now. My com crashed again. Just when my term tests are over, just when i wan to relax and play a few games, just when i need to complete the APEL values reflection, juz when i need to finish PMT and PA2 survey. Too much of a coincidence huh... last 2 days it was ok!! Really pengz when i can't on my com juz now. Lucky we have shared separate coms, or else i really duno wat to do... Anywae, this connection speed is super fast!! So shiok sia..... haix. I guess a router not really good eh.....

Term tests are all over!! Phew...... Hmmz. Whatever results come out, dun care liao. More concern abt SIP placement and partner now.. =x

Gonna watch superstar liao. Spent so much time doing stupid surveys. Anywae Kelly's performance really good tonight, let's wait and see the results. Buaiz....